Parenting Your Neurodivergent Child on Vacation
A Maryland therapist explains how to make great travel memories with your ADHD or autistic child
Way back in 2018, my ADHD/autistic 6th grader and I traveled to Alaska with a school group. This was the first time I brought my child on a trip I hadn’t planned myself. And somehow, even as a child and family therapist who specializes in neurodivergence, I failed to consider the challenges this trip would bring.
As a parent of a neurodivergent child, you can imagine. Long hours of scheduled activities. Daily packing and unpacking at each stop. Chasing down stray items minutes before the bus pulled away. I was so busy chasing my child that I left my toiletries behind in hotel #1.
Fortunately, we figured it out. Here’s what we did to make the most of our trip, once we were already there. (Planning your trip yourself? Check out these tips for the planning stage.)
Taking your anxious or autistic child out of their comfort zone
These tips apply for children with ADHD as well. They are especially important for anxious or autistic kids.
1: Don’t prevent or remove all of the challenges. Travel is about expanding your child’s world and finding new things they enjoy. Let your child know that this trip is about discovering some new favorite things to ADD to their current favorites. Do incorporate some familiar foods and activities to help your child recharge each day.
2: Prepare and prime. Let your child know at the beginning of each day/activity what will happen and ask for the behavior you want to see. If rewards are important motivators for your child, create a vacation reward system. For example, he may get a few dollars to spend on the trip, with an additional $1 per day that he puts his clothes away in the hotel room or tries a scary new food.
3: Do what works. If they’re happiest listening to a certain playlist on her headphones while the scenery rolls by, let it happen. If they’re exhausted when it’s time for the pricy helicopter ride, let them sit it out or sleep through it. As long as your child is participating in some of what the trip has to offer, they are benefitting. It’s ok to let them retreat to her comfort zone sometimes. (Just not ALL the time.)
Managing ADHD away from home: a therapist’s tips.
Just like the tips above, these are good for your anxious or autistic child too.
1: Remember that your child has ADHD (or anxiety or autism). Even at Disney. Or the beach.
Once you’ve done that, you can make neurodivergence a treasured travel companion. Rather than a stumbling block on the trail.
2: Sneak in movement breaks and/or sensory breaks. Let your child scramble up an embankment (safely) at the rest stop, turn cartwheels on the benches at the overlook, or otherwise get a burst of exercise between sedentary activities. Yes, that’s my child doing a back flip in the pic above.
Parent tip: Sleep masks and headphones can give you a sensory break on a crowded plane.
3: Help with organization. If your child has trouble keeping track of their belongings, be there to help with this part. Have them make a plan to stay organized, and ask how you can support their plan. Ask if she’d like some additional support when she seems to be struggling. (If the answer is no, respect her choice.)
Parent tip: roll up underwear, socks, and shirt for each day and put a hair tie around it. The bundles for other days stay tied and keep the suitcase neater for longer. Ask your child if this system makes sense for them. If they say no, find out how else their brain wants to do it and try that.
4: Make the most of the best times. Children with ADHD are often not able to organize or make decisions when tired. These tasks may need to be done after a midday break or at other high energy times to maximize success.
Have your child pick out clothes for the next day, tidy up her things, or do other challenging tasks during her best time of day. Stuck on a tour bus at that time? Plan it on paper, using pictures rather than words. The pictures will make the instructions easier to follow later.
5: Engage allies. Let the adults around you know what’s helpful for your child. This enables them to jump in and assist you. Or to understand behaviors that might be seen as off task.
Don’t hesitate to ask for a table near the door so your child can get up and move regularly, or board the plane last to minimize your time in a seat. With a little explanation, most adults will understand.
After my son and I skipped the group photo op to climb a pile of rocks, our guide said to me “squeezing in some movement, huh?” We avoided being seen as rude by explaining ourselves up front.
Engaging allies may feel scary or embarrassing, especially if you feel self conscious about your child’s behavior. Or are talking to relatives who have been dismissive in the past. Remember that your child’s needs are needs, not preferences. And by speaking up, you’re destigmatizing neurodivergence in your family and beyond.
